we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
