Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
