Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
