So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
