You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
