I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
