Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize