Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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