Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
