Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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