Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
