yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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