How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
