I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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