The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
