So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize