btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
