Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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