Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
