he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
