I just pynch a tree in the face
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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