Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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