Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
