Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
