I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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