my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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