Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
