Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
