If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize