Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
