and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You made out with two different species that night
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
