I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize