i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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