Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
