I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
