guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
