I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
