I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
