then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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