u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
