I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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