Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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