are you still at the devil's house?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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