the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
