god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
