I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
