is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
