apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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