He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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