If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
