I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize