Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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