i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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