He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
