I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
