i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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