What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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