your thong is hanging out like whoa
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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