just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
