we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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