dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
