maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
