im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
