He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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