Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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