Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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