you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
