you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
