her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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