And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
