Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
