A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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