we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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