So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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