Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
