So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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