i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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